Who writes these things?

"PATERSON, N.J. – A New Jersey man with apocalyptic visions is accused of years of terrorizing his family, raping his five daughters and impregnating three, beating his children with wooden boards and even moving at one point to avoid child welfare investigators." -AP via Yahoo!

Notice anything wrong with that sentence? How about this?

"My life in the dungeon was terrible. They branded me with red hot irons, drove spikes under my toenails, broke all of my fingers, and even refused to certify that my daily cup of gruel was organic."